doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
