Don't make out with my wife yet
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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