You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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