we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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