You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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