she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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