I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
