not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
