Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
