How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
