woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.