I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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