Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
