Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
