ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
