I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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