I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
