Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
