Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
