i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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