i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
