btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
