All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
