I showed him my bush... on skype.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
