at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You can't just leave with hair like that
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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