You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
