Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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