Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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