yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
