I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
