My room smells like vodka and shame
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
