it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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