I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
