I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
