i jhust puked up my retainher.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
