I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
