I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
