i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
