Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
