Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
