Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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