i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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