the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
