Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
