I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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