He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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