this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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