I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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