Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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