She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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