the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
that is very illegal...i love you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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