Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
