My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
