I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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