Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
