Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
