Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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