I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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