id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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