life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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