If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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