Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she pinky promised me she was 18
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
