yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
