I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Success! We fucked roommates!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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